Intentional Words

I'm reading through a book called "Victory Over The Darkness" by Neil Anderson.  It is a great book on your identity in Christ, but I want to focus on one point that was made in my reading today.  "Studies have shown that, in the average home, for every positive statement, a child receives 10 negative statements.  The school environment is only slightly better; students hear seven negative statements from their teachers for every one positive statement...These studies go on to point out that it takes four positive statements to negate the effect of one negative statement."  

If you are like me, when you first read that, you thought to yourself, there's no way that is true in my home.  But, if you are like me and are honest with yourself, you will realize it is probably very true.  Here is what I have realized through my own reflection on this statement.  If my kids are behaving well, I don't necessarily think to tell them how much I appreciate their good behavior.   I just enjoy the moment.  However, if my kids interrupt me or act in a way that inconveniences me, I'm quick to point out their bad behavior.  

Just the other night, I sat down with my 11 year old and 13 year old to tell them how proud I was of them.  They were both grinning ear to ear as I told them.  Although this was a great moment, the fact that it meant so much to them also shows that I need to do it more often.  This doesn't just apply to our kids, but to our spouse, co-workers, church members, or even complete strangers.  People want to be encouraged and know it is recognized at all ages.  

Here's my challenge for myself, and I hope you will join me.  Be intentional with your words.  Maybe the place to start is bedtime.  When you put your kids to bed, tell them one thing you are really proud of them for that day.  Be watchful through out the day for opportunities that you may overlook because your kids are simply playing quietly and let them know they are making you proud.  I believe that you will not only see their confidence rise, but you will see them develop the habit of encouraging that they see you modeling.